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If only computers worked like they do in the movies!

10/12/2020

 
We've all watched movies and dramas on TV and at the cinema.  My favourites are spy thrillers and similar nail-biters - especially where computers and technology feature in the plot. Picture the scene: spy breaks into office/home/workplace to steal some secret information.  Convenient laptop/computer lies waiting on the desk. A quick lift of the lid and it bursts into life. Spy inserts a memory stick into the usb slot. Scene shifts to picture of memory stick downloading files at breakneck speed. Ten seconds later said spy grabs memory stick, pulls it out and slams down the lid leaving no trace of the intrusion.

Let's replay that scene how it would really happen: spy tries to break into office/home/workplace to steal some secret information. Door gets stuck and alarm goes off. Must hurry. Looks around but can't find the laptop anywhere because the owner has kept it locked away. When finally the spy discovers it (alarm still ringing) and lifts the lid it immediately requires a password which defies logic to remember. Assuming eventual success (ten minutes gone), laptop fires up and says "Windows is updating your system. Please do not switch off your computer." Five minutes later the screen still reads 30% but then finally restarts only to display a new screen telling you it is completing updates. Next, look for the usb slot. Problem, there are only two and one is in use for a mouse and the other for a printer. Once this is resolved, by the simple act of inserting a memory stick, the computer somehow miraculously recognises a new external drive and there is the required file sitting as an icon on the desktop screen just waiting to be copied. No it's not. You've got to hunt through a chaotic file directory in the hopes of finding what you want.  Having found the file you attempt to copy it to the memory stick.  Computer screen suddenly flashes up with "Target drive does not have sufficient space." Hunt round for a bigger memory stick. Eventually the file starts to download but gets three quarters of the way along the process and halts. Computer flashes up "Copy failed. Try again." Having corrected this you complete the file transfer and whip out the memory stick, whereupon the computer throws a hissy fit and says you didn't eject the drive properly.  You slam down the lid without, of course, closing down the machine or removing any trace of your presence and go out the door into the arms of the law who have responded to the alarm because it is now 30 minutes later. Somehow you manage to escape and return to base. You plug in the memory stick and it fails.  Computer says "Disk unreadable. Did not close files properly."
Ah! If only computers worked like they do in the movies.......

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    Author

    Alan Pollard
    Retired computer professional now in my 70s but still passionate about computers, the internet and information technology in general.
    All views my own unless otherwise stated.

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